To Be, Or Not to Be – my recovery from addiction at Hope Trust
Counseling to me means friendship and guidance. Nothing more than a direction of good faith and trust that is formed into a magical change and forever lasting memory of hope and prosperity. Overcoming the hands of addiction is not an easy job. In fact, it is probably one of the most difficult things for any human being to do. If you had asked me during my military days where I stood a post with a bottle of Brandy in my hand, that I would be the hope of a suffering alcoholic to overcome his addiction and save his life, I would probably laugh at the notion. Then I would drink to the impossible. Yet, God works in mysterious and unpredictable ways.
I sometimes wonder how it happened to me. Being an American from South Brunswick, New Jersey without knowledge of India’s values and traditions would I be able to do such a thing. Working with people that I knew nothing about was beyond my comprehension.
I came to Hope Trust broken, beaten, ugly and lifeless. Without a direction or a right path in life, ambitions or goals, freedoms or jails, I walked in the door in the clearest form of a nothing.
I was shown, and I followed without the knowledge of what is to be? I just walked with those who knew. In time, I was made to feel in a way that I never had felt before, happy. I wasn’t drinking. I was 25 years old and everyone kept telling me that I had my whole life ahead of me. It was not too long after that, when opportunity knocked on my door and I accepted. At the time, all other doors were closed for me and I did not have any options. But now, I realize that I did have an option. There are only two ways of life for Alcoholics and Addicts, Recovery and Active Addiction. I chose the righter path to better living.
Difficulties followed as I was phased into the world of counseling. I was told not to be like others and most of all could not find a healthy balance to deal with myself as I was dealing with others. My emotions and my thoughts began racing as I never thought I was capable of doing the right thing by another human being. I was having enough trouble trying to do the right thing for myself, and my recovery. I wanted everything faster than I could handle it and was not even close to where I thought I should be. I did not think I was good and in no time, I was on the fast track to losing myself again. Feeling good about myself was not in my line of sight during this time. I stepped myself out of the field with no place to go, and in a struggle to find another option in life for me to take, but I couldn’t. Little did I know, the answer that I was looking for was right in front of me but my self-obsessions did not allow me to see anything clearly, I was blind.
A little while later, someone had sat me down and said that I was a good counselor and that they knew that I was capable. The one thing that struck me the most was when this individual said, “I can see that spark in your eye.” From that day forth, I knew that this was something that I was made for. Helping people as they have helped me and develop a new way of life into a path of positive energy and faith.
The things that I have lost in my life due to this fatal disease of addiction has been a gift in disguise. Today, I have no regrets for what I have lost and have every bit of gratitude to what I have gained. A life that I can be proud of, and look forward to. A strength that I never thought I had to ask for help and talk to people. Today, I cannot express in words, how grateful I am to those who said I can do it, and I am something special. And to those who let me inside there home to tell me it’s okay, and made me who I am today, a counselor, a friend, and most importantly, a good human being. And only with that friendship and guidance, I choose to be. Thank you to all!