Rehab, I thought, was a place where people with addiction problem go and stay so that they can break the cycle of addiction. I also thought that once in a rehab, people get lot of time to exercise, read, think and work on themselves. For me it meant freedom from Alcohol and outside problems.
I came to Hope Trust thinking of finding solutions to all my problems. Not only Alcohol but also all other things bothering me and my Life. My very first day in the rehab made me think that the place is not what I had expected. Totally contrary to my ideas of ‘Freedom’, the place was full of disciplinary rules. There was a prescribed time for everything: wakeup, sleep, morning prayer, food, sessions, tea, yoga, nap or rest and free time. I was neither used to this nor expecting to focus on such small things. I wanted to focus on bigger issues in my Life.
However, after initial days of restlessness and irritation, I started realizing the importance of focusing on small things. I realized that it was actually the accumulation of not focusing on small things that lead to developing defects in characters that finally lead towards inability to find peace in life. Every small thing that was against my will irritated me and crushed my ego. Slowly I started settling down and accepting things. Limitations of communication with the outside world, made me realize the importance of that world and how I was taking it for granted.
I also could identify my weak areas, with the help of counselors and group sharing, I started learning more about myself. I learnt a lot from the experiences shared by other group members. I was not alone. I was not the only one who was suffering. The whole group became my ‘alter-ego’. Nothing to hide from them. I was loosening, I was getting comfortable.
Suddenly I realized that this is what I was always looking for. I was finding my answers, solutions and hope. I was becoming a believer.
Initially I had problems accepting certain things explained by counselors. One day the ‘director’ asked us “How do you think God communicates”? I got the answer when he said “He talks through people”. I never had any problem in accepting things after that.
I used to think that the best way to find peace was to go in solitude, think, meditate and find answers myself. Peace for me was absence of turmoil.
What I realized was that finding peace surrounded with people, surrounded by limitations and by restlessness is the real meditation. Life is like that only. I need to find peace in living daily normal life and not in solitude and escapism.
The biggest thing that I learnt and started practicing at Hope Trust was to ask for help. The whole world and God are available for help, only if I ask for it. Asking for help is my responsibility and so is my well being.
I am so glad I came to Hope Trust, and so grateful.
- Naresh G (Pune, India)