Addiction and Relationships
Recovery is all about relationships.
Think about it.
What would recovery be like on a deserted island? You wouldn’t need a recovery program or anything else to help you get through your day.
The only relationship that would need cultivating would be the one you have with yourself, and there would be plenty of time for that because there wouldn’t be any other people around!
This little thought experiment gives us a key insight into recovery: it’s all about relationships and finding peace and balance within them.
Addiction recovery is about rebuilding broken relationships and forming new healthy ones.
How addiction impacts relationships
Addiction can significantly impact relationships, as it often causes individuals to prioritize their substance or behaviour of choice over their relationships. Here are some ways addiction adversely affects relationships:
Communication problems: Individuals struggling with addiction may have difficulty communicating effectively with their loved ones. They become defensive or withdraw from conversations, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.
Trust issues: Addiction often involves lying, hiding, and breaking promises, eroding trust in a relationship. Loved ones may begin to doubt the addict’s honesty and feel hurt or betrayed by their behaviour.
Emotional distance: Addiction causes individuals to become emotionally distant from their loved ones. They begin to focus more on obtaining and using their substance than maintaining a connection with their partner or family.
Financial strain: Addiction is expensive, and individuals struggling with addiction may spend money on their substance of choice instead of paying bills or supporting their families. This causes significant financial strain on relationships.
Codependency: Loved ones of individuals struggling with addiction develop codependent behaviours, such as enabling or taking on excessive responsibility for the addict’s well-being. This can be detrimental to both parties, making it difficult for the addict to seek help and make positive changes.
Relationships are double-edged swords
Relationships in recovery can be a bit of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they are necessary and can provide us with joy and fulfilment in many ways. On the other hand, relationships can be somewhat dangerous, especially for newly recovering drug addicts or alcoholics.
Let’s dig in and examine relationships to see if we can find some universal truths and any practical conclusions here:
Your relationship with yourself
They say that in early recovery, you have to develop three relationships to be successful:
- A relationship with yourself
- A relationship with a higher power
- A relationship with a sponsor
For the bewildered newcomer in recovery just from drugs and alcohol, figuring out how to have a “relationship with yourself” can be a bit perplexing.
For most people, it means a couple of things, many of which they did not figure out for the first several years of their sobriety. The first thing it meant was that they had to forgive themselves.
People in recovery would say, “Give yourself a break,” and some never understood what they meant. They meant that you must allow yourself to start over with a clean slate and forgive yourself for all the chaos you just went through if you ever want to hold your head up again. Forgiving yourself is critical in early recovery. It’s a big part of building a strong relationship with yourself – the most significant amends you make are to yourself.
Another part of your relationship with yourself takes a long time to uncover; this is the process of truly getting to know yourself all over again. I
n active addiction, you may have covered up those parts of yourself for so long with drugs and alcohol that you had no idea what your life was about anymore. After stripping away all of the drugs and alcohol, you are left with a shell of a person—one that needs to learn how to live again and start putting yourself out there and trying new things.
Your relationship with a higher power
This can be a touchy subject for some, but it doesn’t have to be. Consider the different ranges of beliefs that various people will have upon entering recovery: some will believe in God, some will be hardline atheists, and others might believe only in the force of the “universe” or in nature as their higher power. These belief stances allow for some cultivation of a spiritual relationship through prayer and meditation, studying religious texts, reconnecting with nature, or simply expressing gratitude to the universe for existence itself.
In other words, regardless of your specific belief system, you can work on your relationship with a higher power in some way. Doing so is part of the foundation of the creative theory of recovery, as spirituality is the “glue” that holds the whole program together.
Focus on the spiritual principles of your spiritual relationship, such as forgiveness, gratitude, and compassion for others. These principles guide your recovery and are a key reason to continue cultivating your relationship with a higher power.
Romantic relationships in early recovery
Romantic relationships are only one small part of recovery, but they can be critical and make or break your sobriety. Particularly in early recovery, romantic pursuits can and usually are hazardous. The primary reason for this is that when you first pursue a romantic relationship, other relationships get put on the back burner.
This is especially true regarding our relationship with a higher power. The explanation is straightforward: a new romantic partner “fills us up” and “makes us whole” once more, filling the spiritual void our spiritual practices would have otherwise filled. This phenomenon cannot be denied and has been played out repeatedly by other recovering addicts and alcoholics, almost all of whom eventually relapsed due to their romantic endeavours.
Does this mean you cannot pursue a relationship in recovery?
Of course not. But any sane addict will want a foundation of healing before they venture out into this slippery territory. Some people suggest waiting a full year in recovery before getting into a relationship. This is probably good advice, although the specific length of time depends on how solid a foundation you have built and what kind of relationship you have built with a higher power.
This can be misleading because some religious people do not necessarily have a strong relationship with a higher power. There is a difference. If you seek a romantic relationship to “fill the void” or “make you whole,” you probably have more work to do on your spiritual foundation before safely returning to the dating scene.
Hope Trust helps you rebuild relationships
Therapists at HopeTrust helps you rebuild relationships. You begin to get comfortable with yourself and develop faith, and your renewed life promotes general trust and well-being with others around you.
If you or your loved one is seeking support for addiction or relationship issues, click www.hopetrustindia.com